I delivered this talk to a church in 2026. This is the first talk in my discipleship series. The talk Discipleship: The Mindset follows it.
Good morning! Thank you for granting me the privilege to speak with you. I am honored to be among you.
For many years, I have mentored and discipled others. I never took the time to record and pass on my experience . . . until now. I’m excited to pass on what I’ve learned.
Before we begin, I have two disclaimers. First, nearly all my mentoring and discipling work was self-taught. It comes almost entirely from the Bible, God’s promptings, and my adjustments after success or failure. I’ve read little beyond the Bible about it. Therefore, I do not claim to be an expert or well-researched; I only come to share what I’ve learned. Take it as advice: examine my claims, adopt the good, and reject the bad. Second, I am a sinner. I have failed in many ways, including some areas you have not; I strive for perfection. Most poignantly, I’m divorced. I always feel shameful disclosing it, particularly in a Christian setting, but others always find out anyway. I didn’t want the divorce: my words wounded the woman I loved until she could bear my presence no longer. So I live quite cognizant of my failures, relying deeply on the Lord for sustenance. My position as speaker for these talks does not make me superior to you in any way. I come as a brother in Christ to share what I’ve learned, and my challenges to you are also challenges to me. May we all grow more Christ-like through these talks and daily as we seek to honor him.
I will share mentoring and discipleship stories during these talks. While the stories are real, I chose a false name for the people in them to respect their privacy.
In my third year of college, I co-led a Bible Study in my dormitory. My co-leader and I planned to personally reach out to incoming freshmen to see if any were interested in the gospel. He was assigned some; I was assigned others. I had been particularly slow about reaching out to one freshman named Micah. He was a recluse. He was often in his room or off campus. He spent little time meeting others. And that gave me plenty of excuse to put off reaching out. One day, I confronted my co-leader about one of his failures. He wasn’t following through on a task. Instead of taking my confrontation maturely, he turned on me and confronted me about one of my failures — not reaching out to Micah. In similar immaturity, I left our meeting annoyed, walked down the hall directly to Micah’s room, and knocked on the door. When he opened the door, I didn’t bother with usual Christian kindness and gentleness. I simply said, “Micah, would you like to join me in a Bible Study?” I expected an immediate “No” from such a direct approach; I was only doing this to satisfy my co-leader’s challenge. Yet, Micah thought for a moment and said, “Yes, I would.” Unknown to me, God had been working on his heart, and he was open to the gospel.
Micah and I met weekly on a bench under a tree outside our dormitory. I remember little about our study. I think we studied John. However, I remember much about our interactions outside the study. Micah had few friendships at college. Shortly after attending, a classmate invited him to a religious group, which he joined. As he and I met weekly, we shared about our lives, I taught him about the Father, and we grew in friendship. A month or two after our first meeting, he invited me to the religious group, and I came. The meeting disturbed me. The members took turns standing, reading aloud, nearly shouting, the teachings of their leader. It was a cult, a religious group which exalts loyalty over truth and leads you astray. After the meeting, Micah asked me what I thought, and I told him their enthusiasm for their creed impressed me, but I didn’t want to return. Micah and I continued to meet, our friendship grew, and his interest in the true God and his word grew. Micah finally broke from the cult and embraced Christianity. He joined our college Christian fellowship and compiled an exhaustive Christian songbook for worship. After graduation and getting an engineering job, he enrolled in seminary night courses and got a degree. When he married, he invited me to his wedding. And whenever he gives his testimony, I’m a central part of his story.
Over 25 years later, feeling down from my divorce, nearly despising what I called, old Charles, the man I was before my divorce, the Lord orchestrated a sequence of events in a single week for my recovery. At my son’s Saturday high school graduation, young men and women I had taught in Sunday School, coached on the flag football team, or led in Math Club came up to me and thanked me for my part in their lives. At church on Sunday, a young woman whom I taught in Sunday School saw me, hugged me, and told me I was the best Sunday School teacher she ever had. And Wednesday, Micah and his wife arrived from a 2000km road trip and spent a few days with me, encouraging me and thanking me for my part in their lives. And all those influences came under old Charles. I could be proud of old Charles, proud of what the Lord did through me despite my sins. I hadn’t only helped Micah; he had helped me.
Micah was the first man I mentored. While mentoring him, I broke nearly all the advice I’ll give through these discipleship talks, yet he still walked with the Lord afterward. With him, there’s one piece of advice I didn’t break, and it’s the most important advice I’ll give all weekend: great mentors and disciplers strive to be Christ-like, loving the Father and obeying his commands in all they do. And that is my challenge to you: you must be growing in Christ.
The first part in striving for Christ-likeness is loving the Father. You grow in your love for the Father the way you grow in any friendship: by spending time with him, learning about him, and talking to him.
“Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night.” (Joshua 1:8)
The Word teaches us about the Father. Four days per week, I memorize the word of God; the other three days, I read. Daily time in God’s word draws me closer to the Father. It reveals his character, his will, and his direction. It slowly shapes me and molds me closer to Christ. I have dry days, days where I feel time in the Word is just discipline, but I push through them, knowing the dryness is temporary, and freshness will come soon again.
After the feeding of the five thousand, Jesus dismissed the crowd,
“After he had dismissed them, he went up on a mountainside by himself to pray.” (Matthew 14:23)
Prayer is talking to the Father. I pray daily but often not long enough. I praise him. I praise him for his attributes: his greatness, his mercy, his love, and his justice. I repent for my shortcomings. I recall the failures I committed since I last prayed, asking his forgiveness and his power to overcome them in the future. I thank him. I thank him for my blessings and provisions: my friends, my family, his Word which guides and his Spirit who guides, my food, my clothing, and my shelter. And I ask things from him. I try to align those requests with his will: that a loved one may know him, that a wounded one be healed, that a figuratively blind one would see. Prayer is my opportunity to speak back to my friend, to disclose my heart, and to listen and hear from him.
Growing in love for the Father is a delight. It’s a friendship that deepens and broadens the more time and effort you put into it. Jesus called it abiding:
“He who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit.” (John 15:5)
The second part in striving for Christ-likeness is obedience. When you love someone, you desire to please them. Deep love for the Father naturally leads to obedience.
“If you love me, you will obey what I command.” (John 14:15)
I could choose many Bible commands, but today, I will focus on Colossians 3.
“Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.” (Colossians 3:1-4)
First, I must set my heart and mind on heavenly things. Why? Because I am dead to my old, non-Christian self, and I am alive, living, thriving, and full of energy in Christ. Pull my mind from the world, out of the day-to-day hustle, away from the temptation to sin, and place it in the heavenly realms, constantly thinking of Christ, his desires and his will, and adopting his desires and will as my own.
“Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. Because of these, the wrath of God is coming. You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander and filthy language from your lips.” (Colossians 3:5-8)
Second, I must put to death and rid myself of all vices. I should rid myself not only of the action vices, like sexual immorality, greed, rage, and cursing, but even my thoughts should be purified from lust, evil desire, and malice. Notice, too, the violent words chosen: put to death, rid yourselves. These aren’t to be gradual improvements that receive light discipline when committed. I must be violent in my pursuit to destroy sin. Obedient Christians forsake and crucify their sin.
“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.” (Colossians 3:12-14)
Third, I must live virtuously, seeking the good in everything, and treating others with Christ-like compassion. My mouth must speak kindly, gently, with patience. When others mess up, I must bear with them and forgive them. Most of all, I must love — love God, love others, love myself, love goodness, love his creation. Notice, the verb: clothe yourselves. It’s something that’s always there, always seen, and always known. Obedient Christians strive for righteousness.
So, grow in your love for the Father. Spend daily time in his Word and prayer. And grow in Christ-likeness, setting your heart on things above, putting to death your sins, and living righteously. Great disciplers strive for these things.