I delivered this talk to a church in 2026. This is the third talk in my discipleship series. The talks Discipleship: the Mindset precedes it and Discipleship follows it.
I hope all of you enjoyed your break and are eager to hear more. I entitled this talk, Discipleship: Mentoring. In it, I’ll focus on periodic meetings, usually once per week, with mentees. I’ll focus on that meeting and meetings outside it for Christian growth.
When my family first moved to Colorado, we lived on a street called Coldwater Drive. It was a nice, appropriate name for Colorado. It’s a mountainous state with many tiny streams. Four homes down from mine lived a man named Matt and his wife Danielle. They were recently married. We didn’t reach out, but my wife met his wife in a periodic women’s gathering. They didn’t become friends, but we were close enough, that when Danielle contracted cancer, we became more concerned and attended Danielle’s funeral a few years later. The cancer killed her, leaving Matt alone with a three-year-old son.
Danielle’s cancer caused her to seek the Lord, and she grew close to him in her struggles. Matt watched, somewhat reluctant to embrace Christ, yet impressed by his young wife’s fervent faith. He became a Christian through her death.
After the funeral, I offered to meet Matt in his home, and he accepted. We met and discussed his feelings and ultimately his new-found faith. He was eager to learn more, so I offered to lead him through the New Testament. I constructed a plan that merged some reading and discussion, and we started meeting weekly. He had many cares. He had his own business, which always demanded more of him than he had, and he had a young son whom a Nanny raised in the day, and Matt raised in the evenings and weekends. His busy schedule forced frequent cancellations. We missed almost half our meetings. We met in the evenings after his son was put to bed. Yet, despite his busyness, he enjoyed our Bible times. He grew in knowledge, and we grew in friendship.
We did things together out of meeting time. He attended a different church, so I joined him periodically to encourage his participation and be with him. He loved barbecues and invited our family and neighbors. He loved football and invited me to games. He knew I taught a Bible Study at work, and he started one himself. I attended it to support him and came to like his co-workers. Sometimes, I’d attend his work functions.
Matt matured and became a Christian leader. During COVID, he and another neighborhood Christian started a men’s neighborhood Bible Study. I joined and found it extremely helpful during my marriage problems. He leads a singles group at his church. I attended it last year as a single. It’s thriving. It’s neat to see his growth, maturity, and Christian character. He’s a dear friend.
Like my situation with Matt, usually mentoring opportunities are one-on-ones — just you and your mentee. Sometimes, events occur such that you could mentor multiple men at once. Jesus discipled 12 at once. Something similar’s happening with me right now. A young man on my church’s Service Team expressed the desire for a Bible Study. He and I started one last August with just the two of us. He liked it and invited his roommate, who stayed. When his out-of-state friend moved to Colorado, he invited him, who stayed. Eight men now attend our study. They all joined with single invitations. Effectiveness drops with attendees. If we were to plot effectiveness versus attendees, one-on-ones are most effective, and it steeply declines through the first three, then it slowly declines and finally levels at around 30, where teaching is mostly lecture based like these talks. At that point, 1000 could fill the room, and effectiveness will still be about the same as with 30. So, while it’s flattering to have many listen to you, it’s less effective. Rejoice in the one-on-ones. You’re most effective then, and you demonstrate a deliberate interest in your mentee. You get a jump-start in respect. If events unfold so that you do meet in groups, consider hosting the group event and pulling aside each member for one-on-ones outside the event. I’m doing that now with the young men’s study.
Each mentee arrives at a different place in life. Your mentee’s struggle with sin differs, knowledge of God differs, social load with work, family, and friends differs. Tailor your mentorship plan for your mentee. Ask him what he wants. Sometimes, the mentee knows exactly what he wants, as Philip did. Even if you disagree, it’s often best to honor his request and adjust it later. Adjust your frequency of meeting and content to match your mentee and your availabilities.
When you meet, I recommend making a Bible Study the core component of the gathering. Yes, still work on friendship, still work on life events, still listen to what he wants to discuss, but make the Bible Study the core. I’ve started mentoring where the Bible wasn’t the core, and growth was slow to non-existent. The mentee considered me too highly, so too much relied on me, and the Father didn’t receive his due respect. I have one relationship like that right now, and I need to change it.
The Bible Study can take many forms. I like simple Bible books. Topical studies are hard to do well, and they often infuse much of the developer’s opinion. Bible books reveal the Father’s character best and model what your mentee should study once he leaves you and is on his own. With Micah, we picked and chose books. With Philip, we covered the whole Bible. With Matt, I covered the New Testament. You can adjust your depth. Sometimes, it’s helpful to go slowly and carefully. Other times, you can go more rapidly. Don’t neglect longer books; they’re longer because God wanted to say more. To cover them more quickly, add homework and study a smaller section in-depth when you meet.
Good Bible study consists of three components: observation, interpretation, and application.
Observation answers the question: “What does it say?” It’s a careful, curious, detailed look at what the text says. You’re covering every word carefully. In my country, observation’s often missing from adult studies. Adults quickly like to jump ahead. Force your mentee to stay at observation for at least half the study. He’ll probably find it annoying at first but will later appreciate it. Only after you clearly see what the text says, should you move to the next component, interpretation, because good interpretation relies on correct observation.
Interpretation answers the question: “What does it mean?” Interpretation reads between the lines to clarify uncertain statements and understand deeper things the author’s saying. In the Bible, those deeper things are usually about the character of God and man.
Application answers the question: “What do I do with it?” Application places our life next to the truth we just discovered, examines it, finds where it’s short, and resolves to change. Application’s not about what others should do with it; application’s about what I should do with it. Application builds on observation and interpretation, so well-done observation and interpretation is essential for correct application.
I discuss these Bible Study components more elaborately in my online essay How to Study the Bible.
Many studies are dry, because it’s only a discussion. Add your own components to make it more engaging. Here are some examples.
- Add map marking in a narrative book.
- Write down lists like the 12 apostles in the gospels or the 10 commandments in Exodus.
- Write down your interpretations about God’s character.
- Most importantly, don’t be afraid to memorize. Memorization forces deep internalization and often adoption of the text.
Make sure the study isn’t just academic. As an engineer, I get many good students as mentees. While they are fantastic study participants, they sometimes forget change and thus growth are the aim. Make sure you give application it’s due, and make it drive for change.
With few people present, especially one-on-ones, focus on interaction. Make it almost a conversation, where each party talks the same amount. My meetings with Philip were exactly that way. He would share highlights from the chapter he saw, then I would share highlights from the chapter I saw. Try not to talk too much. Lectures are much less effective than interaction. In the conversation, ask many questions. Listen to the answers, and ask follow-up questions. Questions show interest, and they demonstrate you think your mentee’s statements are valuable. They generate respect. Questions also give you direct feedback on how much is getting across. If the answer’s on, your mentee’s fully engaged. If the answer’s off, your mentee’s not getting you, and you need to adjust.
Try to stay on topic. It’s easy for questions and answers to get off-topic. Handle it gracefully. Sometimes, you need to entertain an off-topic statement, especially if it’s once in a while. When off-topics statements are frequent, address it. If the off-topic questions are pertinent to the Christian life, consider studying a book next that covers them, or consider a separate study between books to cover them.
Don’t be strict on keeping a schedule. I often write a schedule in my studies, but it’s best to adjust to your mentee’s pace and interest. God’s the one doing the growing. Haste can be felt and often dulls an otherwise effective study.
While Bible Study should be the core, focusing on your mentee’s life is very important and should always be included. It should occupy 20-40% of your time together. Ask what happened this week — maybe a high and a low. Ask what God’s been showing him. Take a genuine interest in his well-being. Be concerned about his troubles and rejoice with his successes. Because you are the mentor, it’s natural to give advice as your mentee shares. Remember, relative to your mentee, your expertise is the Christian life, and you are peers. Don’t be hasty to give advice on other topics. Listening may be all that’s needed.
While you discuss your mentee’s life, discuss your own. Reveal your own reasons for rejoicing and your reasons for sorrow. Be honest about your regrets and mistakes. Be vulnerable. I shared troubles in child-raising and frustrations at work with Matt. I shared marriage troubles with Philip. You are modeling Christ; being genuine is the first step in that.
As you discuss each other’s lives, look for opportunities outside your regular meeting times to meet. I invited Matt and his son for dinner many times. He invited my boys and I to watch a football game while my wife was traveling. I already mentioned the barbecues, football game, and work Bible Study I attended with him. Look for ways to include your mentee in your life. It grows the friendship, gets closer to discipleship, and thus makes your mentoring more effective.
Mentoring’s a joy: you witness the Spirit transform a life, and you gain a close friend at the same time. Life doesn’t get much better than that!