I delivered this talk to a church in 2026. This is the fourth talk in my Discipleship series. The talks Discipleship: Mentoring precedes it and Discipleship: Children and Unbelievers follows it.
I first met Jonathan when he was in 5th grade — about 11 years old in my country. He was one of my Sunday School students. He was well-behaved and quiet, and his family lived near us. We had them for dinner multiple times. His father and I became friends, and we shared lunches together.
I lead a pick-up street hockey group that meets every Wednesday. When my sons were younger, I hosted a father-son hockey group after church some Sundays. Jonathan and his father joined. We only played a few times, but Jonathan was a very good player. He knew about my Wednesday games and asked to come. He was too young to play with men, but I let him play since he was a friend of the family. He showed good maturity and judgment, playing well and keeping his cool even when wronged.
When I started my own company in 2009, I asked Jonathan to help me as a worker. He joined and became one of my assemblers, putting together pieces in the building toy I invented. He was a good, reliable, honest, worker. I appreciated his help. It was hard to let him go when I had to shut my doors.
When Jonathan attended college, he asked me to mentor him. I accepted. He attended college out-of-state, so we met on vacations and during the summers. I didn’t have a Bible Study with him. Instead, we discussed life: his Christian walk, his friends, his job, and his dating interests. While his character was exceptional, he still had a bit of the world about him. Particularly, he refused my advice that he only date Christian women. Yet, time after time, he would confess that he had been heart-broken by yet another non-Christian woman whom he showed interest in.
After college, he returned home and found a job working in a hospital. He couldn’t afford rent and still lived with his parents. I was recently divorced and was looking for a roommate. I offered Jonathan a place to stay for reduced rent, and he accepted. He lived in the basement while I lived upstairs. We grew much closer during his stay.
We had many talks. They could be deep or light. In them, I often shared my Christian heart — what I found valuable, what I didn’t, what I strove for, what I didn’t care about. I didn’t think much of it; I just shared who I was. During our second year together, Jonathan decided to try dating again. To my surprise, he had no interest in non-Christian women any more. He made sure prospective dates were Christian; the thought of dating a non-Christian didn’t even cross his mind. Jonathan ultimately found and married a wonderful young Christian woman. I felt at their wedding that I was sending off a son. They still invite me to dinner, and I still invite them for dinner. They’re less than an hour away.
I tell you this story to illustrate the power of discipling over mentoring. During our mentoring years, I tried many times to convince Jonathan not to date a non-Christian. He didn’t listen. Yet, when we were together, I didn’t need to say anything; he just naturally wanted that. In discipleship, the mentee sees how you live, and that example and full exposure motivates him to live and do likewise.
While I’ve mentored many, I’ve discipled few. I only started discipling after my divorce when I lived alone and had roommates. Even then, it wasn’t an official calling for them. It was simply something that grew organically between us. So, I have less experience and expertise for this talk. Much of what I share comes from Jesus’ example with the twelve.
“Jacob’s well was there, and Jesus, tired as he was from the journey, sat down by the well. It was about the sixth hour.” (John 4:6)
Just as Jesus’ weariness was known, in discipleship, nothing is hidden. Your mentee watches how you treat your children, how you treat your friends, your response to a busy day, your response when he breaks a glass. You are exposed. This exposure can go two ways. If you live and act like Christ in these situations, it’s a fantastic example and motivation to your mentee. However, if you fail in these situations, your hypocrisy turns your mentee off from the faith. So, my first talk’s challenge, to grow in love for the Father and in Christ-likeness, becomes much more important when you live together.
And it’s even harder when your mentee disrespects your expectations. Jonathan was a model roommate. He kept the house clean, gave me my space, and acted kind and courteous. This summer, I had a roommate who was very messy, and I’m quite meticulous. When I woke up one morning and saw the trash overflowing, the dishes unwashed, and the guest pillows dirtied, I confronted him with considerable coldness. I didn’t raise my voice, but I was cold. I hurt him, but it wasn’t a topic worth hurting someone over.
When you mess up, as I did, confess your faults and ask forgiveness. Owning up to your faults is more righteous than ignoring them.
“There is nothing concealed that will not be disclosed, or hidden that will not be made known.” (Matthew 10:26)
Because nothing’s hidden, live vulnerably. If you’re struggling at work, having trouble in a relationship, feel overwhelmed, etc., share it with your mentee. You can’t hide it for long, and sharing these struggles makes your mentee know you are like him. Navigating these struggles models to your mentee how he can navigate them too. Your mentee may be able to help you navigate them. I foolishly asked a woman on a date after my divorce. She said, “No.” It hurt. I called two friends; neither was available that night. So, at dinner I told Jonathan. I felt awkward as a 50-year-old seeking a 28-year-old’s wisdom on dating, but he was helpful. He showed compassion and kindness. He himself had suffered rejection from women many times; it was easy to empathize. He brought me out of my despondency with this excellent question: “Does it hurt more than your divorce?” It certainly didn’t hurt more than my divorce, and it placed my current pain in the proper perspective. I appreciated his help.
“His disciples came to him, and he began to teach them.” (Matthew 5:1-2)
Jesus spent much time teaching his disciples. He taught morality. He taught about the kingdom of God. He told stories and parables. He answered others’ questions in front of them. When you’re with your mentee, spend time teaching. I told Jonathan stories from my past that shaped me. I shared principles for ministry. I opened up about my relationship with my children. Do likewise. Tell your mentee about things you’ve learned. Share stories from your past that illustrate a Biblical truth. When you invite a friend for dinner, invite your mentee into the discussion. Teach in an organic way, when the conversation naturally leads there. Many of Jesus’ teachings came when his disciples asked him questions.
“When Jesus came to the region of Caesarea Philippi, he asked his disciples, ‘Who do people say the Son of Man is?’” (Matthew 16:13)
Jesus used questions to direct his teachings and get interaction. They’re an excellent form of discipleship. They show interest in your mentee’s life and simultaneously convey teaching. I asked Jonathan about his relationships at work and with his parents. I asked him about his trips and ambitions. I asked about his job and boss. I asked about his faith — his quiet times, what the Lord was telling him, and what he was learning at church. These always opened into larger conversations about deeper things. Seek open-ended questions that spark longer discussion. They grant your mentee more ownership in the discussion.
“These twelve Jesus sent out with the following instructions: ‘Do not go among the Gentiles or enter any town of the Samaritans. Go rather to the lost sheep of Israel.’” (Matthew 10:5-6)
Like mentoring, doing something is an excellent component of discipling. Acting on the truths you profess practices righteousness. Jonathan helped me host Worship Nights and Prayer Nights at my home. We ran a 5k together for a charity. He cared for my home in my absence. When I invited families over, he would play with the kids, giving me time for deeper conversation with the adults. He served at my piano recitals. He attended my Bible Studies. I gave him rides to work and the auto mechanic. He represented Colorado in national floorball matches, a variant of street hockey. I attended his matches. We prayed together often. Doing things together solidified the friendship and practiced caring for another.
When living with someone, it’s easy to focus just on the here-and-now — cleaning, doing laundry, cooking. We take the other person’s presence for granted. However, discipling shouldn’t degenerate to that. Be intentional, present, and focused. Look for opportunities of value — a time to mention the Father, a time to discuss morality, a time to listen, and a time to speak. And, when you find them, run with them. Sometimes they’re only a 5-minute diversion. That’s okay; you put your focus in the right area. Other times they might open an entire night of ministry. Rejoice in that. Living as a servant is the greatest joy! And when you seek those opportunities of value, pace yourself. You don’t need to get everything across the first day, week, or month. You have time. Wait for natural places to introduce the opportunities. Spend other times together in the mundane. That keeps the times of value precious and wanted.
While I’ve covered much, I want to emphasize my first point more with a story, because I think it’s the most important point to remember in discipling. I host interns at Engineering Ministries International. They come for 3-6 months and leave. That’s how I get so many roommates. This August, my current roommate, Isaac arrived. Isaac is a very kind, mature 24-year-old young man who loves Jesus. We’ve grown close already. We have deep and frequent talks. One night in late September I asked him to tell me about his quiet times, daily devotionals with the Lord. Isaac responded that he reads one Old Testament chapter and one New Testament chapter every day. He added that he’s currently memorizing Hosea 6. The memorization piqued my interest, because I’m also a Bible chapter memorizer. I asked him how long has he been memorizing. He replied, “only since August.” He then told me that he had seen me on my back deck in the mornings reciting chapters. He had thought, “That’s cool.” And, as he thought more, he concluded, “I can do that too.” So, he started memorizing. Hosea was his third chapter. He had re-memorized Psalm 23 and Psalm 24 since August. I never asked him or challenged him to memorize. He just did it on his own after seeing my example. Live like Christ, seek him in all you do, and discipling will be almost effortless.