I delivered this talk to a church in 2026. This is the second talk in my discipleship series. The talks Discipleship: Strive for Sanctification precedes it and Discipleship: Mentoring follows it.
Just before Jesus departed for heaven, he met his disciples in Galilee and told them,
“All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore, go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I command you. And surely, I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” (Matthew 28:18-20)
Jesus commands his disciples to make disciples. It is part of our Christian life. You are Jesus’ disciple, and you’re called to make other disciples. Within this commission Jesus gives two primary actions for those disciples: they should be baptized, and they should be taught to obey his commands. Those are your aims in discipleship. If you’re mentoring a new convert, encourage baptism. Most mentees, however, will already be baptized, and you have a singular aim: to obey his commands. The last talk’s importance can’t be over-emphasized. To be effective in teaching others to obey his commands, you must obey his commands too.
Before I say more, I want to clarify some definitions. First, I differentiate between mentoring and discipling. In my mind, mentoring is getting together with another (the mentee) periodically, usually once per week, to encourage him and challenge him to grow in Christ. Discipling is living with the person, sharing life daily with
him, with the same aim — encouraging him and challenging him to grow in Christ. The Bible doesn’t make this distinction. It simply calls it discipleship. However, I feel it’s valuable to distinguish them, because discipling seems to be the New Testament norm, not so much mentoring. Yet, the daily living form of discipleship is unpopular in my country, and I’d rather save that word for the times when it actually happens, reminding mentors there’s a more effective and involved means of discipleship. Please understand, both are good, but one is better.
Second, I will refer to the person being discipled or mentored as mentee, and I will assume your mentee is a man. Women should be discipled too. Choosing one pronoun simply makes these talks easier.
One day in 2018, a co-worker named Philip stopped by my cubicle to talk. We had a typical work conversation: a 10 minute personal chat, showing kindness and interest in another. In it, Philip asked about
my plans that night, and I told him I was attending a friend’s Discussion Forum where a group of us gathered to discuss hard parts of the faith: the problem of evil, the authority of the Bible, the knowledge of good, and the existence of God, for example. The conversation ended, and I thought nothing more about it.
A few weeks later, Philip invited me for lunch. Over lunch he shared that a Mormon co-worker was proselytizing him. He was challenged by some of the tough questions and wanted to know if I had
answers. Having some familiarity with Mormonism, I answered as best as I could. At the end, though, I challenged him. I told him, “Philip, it’s pretty obvious from this conversation that you don’t know the
Christian faith well. Would you like to join me in a Bible Study to know it better?” He thought about my invitation for a couple weeks, then returned and told me he would like to study the Bible with me,
but he didn’t want me to spend long in preparation. He wanted to study the exact same thing I was already studying. At first, I hesitated. I doubted someone else could handle my rigorous study schedule, but I didn’t want to squelch a noble heart. I shared with him my four day per week memorization schedule and three day per week reading schedule, and he tried it. He found the memorization schedule too much, but eagerly matched the reading schedule.
We met every two weeks at lunch and discussed the 18 chapters we had read. Over an hour, we couldn’t discuss all 18 chapters in detail. We discussed highlights, and he grew. Philip slowly captured the Bible’s major themes: the character of God, the sinfulness of man, and the saving nature of Christ. He began to lead his wife and three children Spiritually. I benefited too: I now had someone to discuss my reading with. I discovered parts I missed and shared parts that hit me. It was a delight. Over two and a half years, we finished the entire Bible and started over.
During our second time through, tragedy struck both of us. My marriage problems surfaced, and I shared them with Philip. He became a strong support and friend as the marriage slowly disintegrated. He was now my sustainer in need. About a year after my divorce, his wife unexpectedly and tragedly died, leaving him emotionally distraught and with three children to raise. He struggled mightily with the faith, so once again, I sustained him. To this day, Philip’s faith hasn’t returned to the level it once was. He’s mad at God and finds my answers unsatisfactory. Yet, we’ve continued our friendship. He now lives far away; he moved closer to family to get help in raising his children. We periodically call, and our conversations continue to be deep and meaningful. He’s a wonderful friend.
I tell you Philip’s story, because it illustrates a number of points I will make in this second talk, which I entitled, Discipleship: The Mindset.
“And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that?” (Matthew 5:47)
As you walk in obedience to Christ, you will naturally reach out to others. That’s part of being a Christian. When you see a new person at church, at work, in your neighborhood, etc., greet him and learn about
him. Invite him to your home or out for a meal. Philip and I started our relationship with casual conversations at work: first circuits, then family, then Christianity. Probably one out of every ten people I befriend become mentees. And, some of the remaining nine may still be friends. Don’t drop someone because you can’t become their mentor. Drop them for the normal reasons: a lack of interest or connection.
“But you are not to be called ‘Rabbi,’ for you have only one Master and you are all brothers. And do not call anyone on earth ‘father,’ for you have one Father, and he is in heaven. Nor are you to be called ‘teacher,’ for you have one Teacher, the Christ. The greatest among you will be your servant. For whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted.” (Matthew 23:8-12)
You are a disciple, and you’re training a disciple. Although you are at different places in a journey, you are peers. Do not lord over your mentee or act superior, for you are not. Treat the mentee as a brother in Christ. While you are more mature, seek areas where you can learn from him. Philip is a skilled circuit designer. I sought his help at work. Philip’s marriage was better than mine. I sought his marriage advice. Every person is better than you at something. Find that expertise and seek it. It will balance your work as mentor, making both of you feel like peers.
“Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.” (Philippians 2:4)
Mentorship isn’t just a Bible Study; it’s a relationship. Besides our once every two week Bible Study, Philip and I took walks together, came to each other’s home, and shared Saturday breakfasts. Engage in your mentee’s life. Ask questions about his family. Explore his interests and passions. Join him outside your meetings and share life with him. Rejoice with him when he rejoices; mourn with him when he mourns.
“My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.” (John 15:12-15)
Jesus initially called men to be his disciples, but that relationship ultimately ended in friendship. The same should be true for you. You are growing and investing deeply into someone’s life. It’s practically inevitable for your relationship to end in friendship. And when it ends there, you’ve done nothing wrong. It’s a sign you’ve done something right. Philip became my second closest friend. We’re more distant now that he’s moved, but we’re still very close. I thank God for my friend Philip. Thank God for your mentee.
Because of the intimacy developed, I think all one-on-one discipleship should be between the same sex. That is, men should disciple men, and women should disciple women. Mixing romance with discipleship confuses the person you aim for in discipleship. God should be your aim, not you.
“For when one says, ‘I follow Paul,’ and another, ‘I follow Apollos’ are you not mere men? What, after all, is Apollos? And what is Paul? Only servants, through whom you came to believe–as the Lord has assigned to each his task. I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God made it grow. So neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow.” (1 Corinthians 3:4-7)
God uses the body of Christ to grow believers. Most likely, there will be other mentors in your mentee’s life. Usually, God orchestrates complementary strengths, so other mentors will focus on one area while you focus on another area. Be grateful for the other mentors and support them. Rarely will your directions conflict, but when they do, handle it gracefully. Division within the body of Christ dampens growth.
Because God uses a variety of people and events to grow a disciple, your aim should be growth — a positive step in Christian maturity. You are not responsible for a beginning-to-end transformation, but only the part God gives you. Philip didn’t have a beginning-to-end transformation; he’s still angry at God. Yet, I consider my influence worthwhile and positive. He’s far from where he was, and I believe God, through people, will get him where he needs to be. When God spreads a Christian’s growth and influence among a variety of mentors, God gets the glory, and not a single individual. It’s a healthy way to mature both you and your mentee.
So, greet all, and look for natural mentoring and discipling opportunities among those you know. Treat your mentee as a peer, and grow toward friendship. Remember you are just one part of God’s full redemption plan. Aim for growth, ultimately trusting God to make your mentee perfect in Christ.